Vulnerability First, Trust Second
When I kick off the facilitation of a team retreat or at the start of a team coaching engagement, I often use the ‘penny exercise’ to help people share something personal with vulnerability. Every person receives a penny. Then I ask them to share a significant event or experience that shaped them into who they are today during the year that is imprinted on the penny, either personally or professionally.
I am always amazed at how a team of people who have worked together for some time discovers something new and personal about each other and how people become closer after impactful things are shared. When participants share an important event from their childhood (such as losing a sibling or getting kicked out of school) or from their adult life (such as a painful divorce or feeling lost professionally), they display vulnerability.
In the spirit of leading by example, I will always ask the most senior person in the room to kick it off for the team. The vulnerability displayed by the leader is then almost always mirrored by the rest of the team. Sharing with vulnerability at the kickoff builds the base for deeper trust and closer connection within the team and makes for a more productive session.
This is very important, but often misunderstood: We don’t need to have trust to show up with vulnerability, but showing up with vulnerability is one of the quickest ways to develop trust with your team. Put another way, trust does not come before vulnerability; vulnerability comes before trust! Admitting your losses and shortcomings, while scary, is refreshing to your team and plants the seed for trust to grow.
In our complex and messy world that demands constant learning and agility, no one person or leader can have all the answers. Our fast moving and deeply interconnected world will expose your weaknesses and blind spots, and fast. The most successful leaders are those who are aware of their own limitations —and are willing to share them with vulnerability. In the process, they create sincere and trusting connections with their team members.
As a vulnerable leader, you
are more interested in getting it right versus being right.
are not afraid to admit that you are wrong.
Welcome feedback, input, and even criticism—not because you like it any more than the rest of us but because you know it’s necessary to get better and make progress.
create a culture in which blind spots are exposed and constant development is encouraged and rewarded.
You are always human first and leader second, and like all humans you have challenges: you don’t know everything, and you need help and support in certain areas. Many leaders push back against this, uncomfortable at exposing things about themselves that might be embarrassing or hard to share.
The truth, of course, is this: Your team already knows that you are not perfect. You’re not fooling anybody. They work with you every day, so they know your weaknesses—and strengths. Offering a specific acknowledgment of your development needs, mistakes, and struggles is not being weak. It is, in fact, one of the quickest ways to build trust!
During your next one on one with one of your team members share a personal or professional goal you are working towards. It does not have to be something huge, it might simply be that you are working on being more present with your family or that you are implementing a new time management system.
