Tough on Results, Tender on People: The Ying-Yang of Leadership
I was sitting in my boss’s office at HQ during my first week as team Commander in the military peacekeeping mission in Kosovo. The Colonel turned to me and said: “I love you, Urs. You know I do, AND this is not good enough. I know you can do better.”
His words made me shrink in my chair…mostly because I knew he was right and because I hated nothing more than disappointing my boss, my commander. He was the best commander I ever had. He was the embodiment of ‘tough on results, tender on people’ before I had even identified it. He was demanding and settled for nothing less than our best. He pushed when our deliverables weren’t up to par, and he beamed when they were. He challenged us when he knew we were capable of more, as he did at this moment: “I love you, Urs, AND this is not good enough.”
He offered up praise, appreciation, and thanks when we were at our best. He was a master at combining empathy with accountability; he knew how to deliver feedback that built up versus torn down...and here I was, disappointing him with subpar work.
Two nights ago, at 0200, I was sitting alone in my office feeling utterly exhausted and hardly able to keep my eyes open. Unfortunately, and against my better judgment, I had left the most important task for last: Re-writing my teams’ operational orders. The operational order spells out everything from how my team would accomplish our mission to the guiding principles of our working and living together. It was an important document. The deadline was at 0700 that morning. I plowed through it, and two hours later, at 0400, I thought I was finally done. I drafted the email to my Chief of Staff, attached the Ops order, and then hit send. I was finally able to get a few hours of shut- eye.
Sitting in my boss’s office, I now heard in no uncertain terms what I already knew deep down: In my sleep-deprived state, I had submitted work that was a far cry from my best thinking. Right then and there, I vowed to myself never to disappoint him and myself again with subpar work. Indeed, I never ever did. My commander’s golden combination - the ultimate yin-yang of leadership – ‘tough on results, tender on people’ made me stretch myself to the highest standards. For the entire remainder of our mission, everything that I delivered to his desk was double-checked by at least two people. Simply put, unless we felt proud of the product, we would re-work it until it was of top-notch quality.
‘Tough on results, tender on people’ brought out the best in me and all the commander’s other direct reports. We, in turn, saw how it brought out the best in our teams. As a result, our entire unit became infinitely stronger.
Ask yourself:
How will I live the ultimate yin-yang of leadership, being ‘tough on results and tender on people’ with my team this week?
How will I deliver tough feedback that builds up versus tears down to one of my team members over the next two days?
How will I hold my team member to the highest standards while building meaningful and trusting relationships with them?
