True Self Knowledge = Radical Self-Acceptance

True self-knowledge when preparing for my Everesting means, for me, means radical self-acceptance, which is easy to write but can be hard to pull off. Radical acceptance is a psychological concept rooted in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). At its core, radical acceptance is about acknowledging reality for what it is, without judgment or resistance. It involves fully embracing the present moment, even if it's hard and uncomfortable.

What does radical self-acceptance look like for me? Between my early 20s and mid-40s, I used to be able to ride, run, and ski for two, four, six, and even 12 hours with relative ease. Being an ultra-competitor was a hugely important part of my identity. However, over the last few years, I had to learn to deal with numerous chronic and lingering injuries from patellar tendinosis to plantar fasciitis and Achilles tendon troubles. As many of you know, I also deployed on two military peacekeeping missions (not exactly conducive to ultra-training) and more recently have gone all-in on writing a leadership book and building my keynote speaking. And then there is, of course, parenting my wonderful teenage boys and family that is spread all over Europe and occasionally needs my support. All this is to say that while I had continued to work daily for the last decade, the duration of my workouts rarely exceeded 30 minutes. I worked out because I love it, because it’s good for my mental and physical health, and because it helps me to keep my weight in check. Except for one ski mountaineering race, I did not compete in any ultra-events over the last decade. If I am honest and despite ‘having done the work’ (see below) it still pains me a bit to write this last sentence…

As I started to slowly increase my volume over the last few months in preparation for my Everesting, I had to learn to accept that the first two-hour workout – something that used to be quite effortless – was actually quite hard. I fully admit I was not happy with that. "Seriously? Two hours, and you are suffering?" is what my very unhelpful mind was asking. While I, of course, intellectually understood why these longer workouts were hard for me, my more emotional self was hanging on to how things used to be and longed for the ‘good old times’ when a two-hour training was something to be done with relative ease. My mental hanging on to the past and my inability to accept my new reality ironically made the workouts even harder as I bargained with my new truth and wasted valuable emotional horsepower. And it wasn’t just the first two-hour training; the same for the first three-hour and the first four-hour workouts.

It took me a hot minute to realize that my inability to let go and accept my new reality was getting in the way of me effectively training for my Everesting attempt and that I needed to let go of the past and practice radical self-acceptance to really move forward.

I reached out to a trusted colleague and fellow athlete, shared my experience, and asked for some coaching. I also journaled about my experience. Both these actions helped to shift my mindset from

 ‘Damn, this sucks, it shouldn’t be this hard’

to

‘Damn, this is hard, and it’s exactly where I need to be. Right here, right now is perfect’.

I even started to incorporate this mantra into my workouts as I repeat ‘right here, right now, perfect’ in my head during particularly hard sections of my training. In the process I was able to slowly come to peace with the fact that while I am not even close to where I used to be that it is perfectly ok to be where I am at, right here, right now. I learned to radically accept myself.

You might not be able to relate to my uphill workout regime – I am now at seven hours and it is still REALLY hard! - but you too might have areas in your life and work where you hang on to ‘how things used to be’ and find it difficult to accept your new reality. It may be in your business, your family, your significant relationship, or your health. It’s all too easy for us to hang on to the past and marvel over how things used to be and remain in denial about our new reality. Yet, the exact opposite is required. To move ahead and get better in whatever your chosen endeavor, you must start with radical self-acceptance: Let go of that past, accept where you are today so you can take productive steps to get better tomorrow.

Ask yourself:

• What part of your current reality is difficult for you to accept?

• What is one small step you can take today to practice radical acceptance?