A Mindf&*% AND a Massive Learning Opportunity

Some experiences are both a mindf&*% AND a massive learning opportunity.

I am in the best shape I have been in a long time, I trained well, got all my gear sorted and most of all I was really looking forward to my Everesting challenge last weekend.

Climbing 31,000 feet in 36 hours while hard, seems very doable.

Going non-stop and finishing in under 24 hours is a reasonable stretch.

Completing the challenge in under 20 hours is a possibility – a bigger stretch goal, but based on my climbing times in training, potentially doable.

All good so far…except…I wasn’t at the start line for my Everesting challenge.

Life has thrown me a curve ball and yet another humbling learning experience…

After my last eight-hour long training an old nagging injury (plantar fasciitis) has become so acute that I could stand or walk without pain let alone think about hiking 31 miles and 30,000 feet non-stop.

Pulling out of this event was difficult for me.

It’s hard enough for me to not follow through on commitments and goals I set for myself even when I tell only my family and close friends about them.

It’s not easy for me to admit this, but having shared my Everesting challenge with my professional network made it even harder to make the smart and reasonable choice to not start.

The question, ‘will others think less of me for not following through?’ was very much on my mind.

In my lower moments over the last few days (and to make things even worse), I was hard on myself for worrying about what others think.

The classic double whammy of feeling shame and then feeling ashamed for feeling shame.

I let my ego and self-worth be attached to a specific outcome.

I would love to say that this is new territory for me but alas it seems to be the work that life has cut out for me.

What to do?

Over the last few days, I have listened to an outstanding podcast by Peter Crone, have talked through my internal struggle with loved ones, and am journaling about it.

It’s been messy and not pretty.

In the process though, I was able to slowly re-frame my thinking and challenge my unhelpful emotions.

As a dear friend told me after going through a similar experience:

Instead of being driven by my ego, I am working on looking at things as they ARE, square on without flinching or hedging.

Looking at things as they ARE has brought me this: I truly and intrinsically love the physical and mental challenge of long endurance events.

I would attempt them even if nobody knew about them but when I share them with my world, my ego tends to get tied up in ways that are not serving me.

My experience is both a mindf&*% AND a massive learning opportunity. And so often they go together.

My specific experience of pulling out of Everesting is part of my bigger journey of learning to let go and become less attached to the outcome.

My bigger journey of accepting and yes, even loving myself for who I am regardless of my achievements and failures.